Unfitting

Unfitting

Unfitting is a personal short film about body dysmorphia, disordered eating, and the long road toward accepting one's own body.

For most of my adult life, I have struggled, on and off, with an eating disorder. As a professional photographer, I spent years photographing other women in beautiful gowns — gowns I sourced and collected over time as props for my fine art work. They were gowns that would never fit me. Behind the camera was a place to imagine what it might feel like to be seen that way, and also a place to hide.

Years ago, a therapist once suggested I turn the camera on myself. I couldn't. Recently, I met a filmmaker who shared a film she made about embracing her own aging body. Her authenticity in sharing her feelings touched me to my core. I realized that to move fully forward, I needed to show my vulnerability, stop hiding, and finally face the challenge my therapist had given me.

The gowns in this film are the same ones I've used for years — pieces that hold longing, comparison, and impossible standards. But now they also hold the possibility of seeing ourselves differently.

My hope is that Unfitting reminds anyone who has struggled with their body or their relationship with food that they are not alone — and that healing can begin simply with a little more acceptance, a little more compassion.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, the National Alliance for Eating Disorders offers free, confidential support: call 866-662-1235 (Mon–Fri, 9am–7pm EST) or visit allianceforeatingdisorders.com.